house_wilson_ghc | The Human Equation, Day 2

Title: The Human Equation 2/20
Rating: M
Pairing: H/W
Disclaimer: Unfortunately House, M.D. and Ayreon don't belong to me.
Summary: This chapter House meets some of his emotions.
Warnings/Spoilers: A bit dark and angsty. No spoilers in this chapter. In later chapters mentions of suicide. And some bad words.
Author's comments: Thanks again to my wonderful beta

r0s3l992

Day 2: Isolation

Me:
I can't move
I can't feel my body
I don't remember anything
What place is this...how did I get here?
I don't understand, what's happening...

Am I alone?

House's POV

I felt nothing. Not even the pain that usually bothered me. Just, well...nothing.
Am I dead? Perhaps I should just try to open my eyes...

It was a strange place I saw when I opened my eyes. There was no horizon. No heaven. No earth. No movement.
Is this heaven? No, even if I am dead there's no way I would get to heaven! So...where am I? It can't be hell. Hell wouldn't be so fucking cold!
"Hello?"

My voice echoed through the air.
How can it echo? There isn't a single wall! Dammit, there's nothing!

I tried to stand up, before I realized I didn't have my cane.
Wonderful! I'm here, wherever "here" is and I don't have my cane. What a nice day!

Then I saw it. A figure coming towards me. it was dressed in a long black coat that seemed to flutter with every step.
No! It can't flutter! There's no wind.
But somehow, it did.

The figure was tall and as it grew nearer to me I could see it was a man. He had long, black, slightly curled hair and beautiful but cold features.

Fear:
You've been deserted, everyone has left you
You know it's always been that way
Those frantic years, the people you've neglected
Now the time has come to pay

You're alone

The man stopped only one step away from me. On his face formed an evil grin.
"Who are you? Where are we? And where the fuck is Jimmy?"
Wilson. He wouldn't leave me in this state. Where is he? Why hasn't he come to me yet?

The man's grin widened.
"Jimmy? He's not here. Nobody is here. You're all alone. Like you always were. How can you dare to hope that anybody would even think about you? You're nothing!"
What the...?! Did he really just say I'm nothing?!

"You can't know that! You don't know me! I am..."
"...weak. That's you wanted to say, right? And you're wrong. I know you better than anyone else. 'Cause I am your Fear!"

Me: Is this a dream or is it real?
Reason: Sometimes the dream becomes reality
Me: But I don't know what to feel
Reason: Then I will guide you through this haze

Me: But who are you, why are you here?
Reason: I am you and you are all of us
Me. I can't think, my mind ain't clear
Reason: Then I will free you from this maze

It was one of the very few moments in my life where I was speechless.
He's my fear?! What did I do? Take too many pills, start hallucinating, so that now my "fear" is talking to me?!

But before I could say anything the man had disappeared. I looked around me, but he wasn't in sight anymore.

"Oh, please. Jimmy, I know you must be lying next to me. C'mon, wake me up!"
"I'm sorry to tell you, but this isn't a dream."

I jumped slightly as I heard the voice coming from behind me. It belonged to another man. He was also tall and looked intelligent. His clothes could easily have been taken from a historical movie. A book under his right arm had a Latin title and his glasses made him look a little like a school teacher.

He had a friendly but sad look on his face as he watched down to me.
"What do you mean this is not a dream? It has to be a dream! The ghost or whatever I talked to said he was my fear. So I suppose you are, hmm, perhaps my lust? Old and dusty? I had hoped you would be more like a particular oncologist, so that this dream would be more exciting!"

"No, I'm not your lust. I'm Reason. I can help you. You have always relied on me. So, why not now? And besides if this were a dream it would definitely be a nightmare!"
"Why?"

It was becoming interesting. This was strange. I had never had a dream like this before.
"Well, because..."
He was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a young woman who was dressed like a table dancer.

Passion:
Can't you feel it burn
Deep down inside?
Won't you ever learn
Don't try to hide!

"You asked for me?"
She was small, with short blonde hair. She seemed to be a teenager and she obviously had a temper. Reason looked at her angrily.
No, he isn't Reason! He can't be. He's just a hallucination my Vicodin has created. Isn't he...?

"We can't need you at the moment! Go away!" Reason seemed really angry. But why?
"Who are you?"

The woman, girl?, looked at me as if she never had seen a human before.
"Who I am? You need to ask who I am? I thought you knew me. I'm the one who makes you try to solve those puzzles. At least you should know me since that cute doctor entered your life. You really don't recognize me?"

She came nearer and sat down before me, only inches away from me. Then she leaned forward, although I tried to back away. A devilish smile grew on her face as she whispered into my ear.
"I am you fire. You're lust. I'm the essence of life. I am Passion!"

She wanted to say more, but the moment she opened her mouth, I found myself grabbed and held by a young and beautiful man who looked furious at me.

Pride:
I Can't believe you're giving up
That's not your way
I can't believe you pass the chance to make them pay

You always had complete control
Never thinking twice
You always called the shots,a heart as cold as ice.

"What were you thinking?! Were you thinking at all?! That's so unlike you! How could you..."
The man's yelling was stopped by Reason.
"He doesn't know what happened! He still believes this is all a dream. Let him go!"

That can't be! It is a dream! But then, why can I touch them? They seem so real...
The young man's grip loosened.
"That is not possible!" he said in a low voice. The suddenly he shouted so loud that I jumped.

"That is NOT possible! He knows everything! Everything! He's smarter than any human ever was! He has to know!"
During his rage his grip became stronger again and he even lifted me a few inches from the ground.

The slap came suddenly. The angry young man was so surprised by Passion's action that he let me go. I fell to the ground and was even more surprised when I landed on my bad leg and felt no pain. I could stand on it, too. Shocked to the core, I stared at the three people in front of me.

The young man put a hand to his cheek and gazed angrily at Passion. His dark blonde, almost straight hair fell across his eyes and he looked a bit like a pupil who had just got a bad grade.

Now it was Reason's urn to yell.
"Pride, shut up! Passion, stop it! You're both acting like children! Stop!"
Finally I found my voice again.

"What's going on? What should I know or shouldn't I know? And who the hell are you?!"
The three emotions stared at me. Reason was the first one to speak.
"We are you. We are your feelings, your emotions. We are your soul."
My soul?! Very funny! But then...could it be...

"where am I? Why can I speak to my emotions? Are you real?"
"We are."
"Of course, we are!" Pride had found his tongue again.

While Reason sent a warning look in Pride's direction, Passion began to speak again.
"You're here in your head. With us. And at the same time you're not. Your mind is here, but your body is lying in a hospital bed. Unconscious. We don't know how you got there. But that's the truth."

Unconscious? Hospital? How? why? And why can I not remember what brought me here?
I wanted to continue asking questions but then suddenly I felt warmth an a gentle touch on my shoulder.

Love:
Close your eyes, listen to your heart beat
Surrender to its soothing pulse

You'll find me here whenever they oppose you
I am the strongest of them all
No need to fear these feelings that enclose you
I'm here to catch you when you fall

You're not alone

I looked up and saw a woman, more beautiful than an angel could have been. Her dark red dress matched her long, curly hair perfectly. The smile on her lips was friendly and warm and her voice could have melted ice as she spoke.

"Calm down, Sweetheart. Everything's alright. We will find a way. Together. You've never been alone. There is always someone at your side. There is now. Don't be afraid."
Sweetheart?! Not even Wilson calls me sweetheart! Nobody gives me names!

"What do you think you are! Some fucking saint?! You don't know if there's someone waiting! You don't know me!"
She just smiled.
Why does she smile? She should be angry. And why are these stupid other "emotions" so quiet?
"I'm not a saint. I never was. But I know you. I know you better than anyone else. Even better than Fear. Because I have always been with you. Hidden in your heart and only openly present for very few times. But I always have been there. And I always will be. Because I am your Love."

This is really strange. No, not strange. It's impossible.
Confused, I blinked, but when I opened my eyes again they all were gone. Only darkness had remained. And so I closed my eyes again...